E-Penis

* Pagan streaks through the room
Pagan> *uturn
Pagan> *flap flap flap
Zeus> flap flap?!?!
Zeus> but arent you white Pagan?!?!
zoe_zoo> lmao
Zeus> shit dont be flappin on nekkid white ppl
Pagan> yes. but I'm from kzn
Pagan> so I'm half zulu
zoe_zoo> Pagan is actually pink
Pagan> the btm half to be exact
Zeus> ahhhhh.....banana republic
Pagan> cause its unemployed and smokes crack all day
Zeus> respect!
Pagan> *puff
Pagan> <<---half man, half amazing, half anaconda
Zeus> so you all ppl see is a piel in other words?!?!
Zeus> flap flap nogals
UberGremlin> i always thought it was fawp fawp
Zeus> oh my hat....i'm actually laffin for that
UberGremlin> flap sounds so flacid
Pagan> well, flacid is a rather strange term to use for something this big
Pagan> *looks down
fanks Zeus
UberGremlin> roflmao Pagan
Pagan> damn my oversized manly bits
UberGremlin> a curse huh?
Pagan> <---massive ogre penis gene
zoe_zoo> lol
Pagan> yip
UberGremlin> im happy with my 9inches
Pagan> neighbors hate it
Pagan> I cant do anal
UberGremlin> LOL
Pagan> screaming upsets them
UberGremlin> bhawbhwabha
Boerseun> lmao
UberGremlin> einnna
Zeus> you gawts small piel nir
Zeus> i can tell
Pagan> *chuckles
UberGremlin> who me?
Zeus> cos only on IRC can you make it out to be kak groot
Pagan> zeus. dude. is this gonna be a "my penis is bigger" convo?
Pagan> cause I have a cam
Pagan> and a ruler
Zeus> can you skip biets?!?!
Scotty> kewl
zoe_zoo> lol
Pagan> but I'm proud to annouce. my e-penis is currently 18"
Pagan> pvt me girls
NaughtyJ> 18 inches yar sure Pagan
Zeus> LMFAO @ Pagan
Pagan> its my e-penis
Pagan> it can be any size I want
NaughtyJ> hehehehhehe
Zeus> dewd....i want sum o dat pills you gawt
Pagan> the sad part is
Pagan> this IS sober pagan
NaughtyJ> 12 inches and the chicks will believe u
Pagan> must see me when I'm on
Pagan> eish
Pagan> *sigh
Pagan> NJ
Pagan> e-penis
Pagan> like e-mail
NaughtyJ> i knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Pagan> oh
Pagan> wanna see it?
Pagan> tottie.jpg 9.8mb
NaughtyJ> hehehehhe
NaughtyJ> uh uh
Pagan> high definition
Pagan> it rocks
Pagan> you could wallpaper your house with it
Pagan> the resolution is so fine

E-Tv Porn

cheryse> i wear the outit u wanna take off.............giving me control
FoxRacing> mmmm
FoxRacing> I am easy,I am easy,I take my own clothes off
cheryse> well i dont
cheryse> thats know fun
FoxRacing> lol
* cheryse looks around room....sori we being rude please continue ur conversations
FoxRacing> lol
Pagan> nono
Pagan> carry on
Pagan> we dont mind
Pagan> its like textual etv porn
cheryse> lol
cheryse> i hope i look beta than an etv prostitute
FoxRacing> yes u do
cheryse> u have to say that
Pagan> anything looks better than etv on my tv
Pagan> its got really kuk signal
Pagan> and gets fuzzy in waves
cheryse> lol
Pagan> so you get to see nipple like once every 10 seconds or so
Pagan> sometimes its not even a nipple :/
cheryse> lmao
FoxRacing> hahaha
Pagan> I'm worried I'm gonna start doing that squinting thing by instinct
Pagan> if I ever get laid chicky gonna think I'm lank odd
FoxRacing> lmao
FoxRacing> that will be funny
cheryse> lol
FoxRacing> Pagan,aslong as she is not squinting when she is look at ur penis
Pagan> actually she probably would
Pagan> you see, I dont get much sun on my bits
FoxRacing> hahaha
Pagan> so they very very white
cheryse> lol
FoxRacing> lol
Pagan> its part of the plan though, the glare means you cant look at it directly
Pagan> makes my tottie like even bigger

Duct Tape

InnocentBob> Thats it!!!!ITS FROZEN PAINTBALLS FOR YOU LOT!!!!!!
Pagan> thats it!!!!!!!!!! cumballs for everyone
* Pagan starts making them now
Tandy> Oh great
Pagan> hang on a sec
Pagan> cumballs isnt actually a good idea
Pagan> storm would get hurt trying to catch them in her mouth the whole time
Storm> omg
Storm> pfffft
Storm> i so would not
Storm> PIG!
InnocentBob> pfffft???Flat tyre again??
* Pagan tries to inflate Storm vaginally
Pagan> *blows hard
Storm> LOL
Storm> u need to wait for that enlarger
Storm> i cant feel a thing
Storm> u should become a dentist :P
Pagan> u should become a gagreflexist
Pagan> I'll help u practice
Storm> Pagan: i bite!
Storm> hard!
Pagan> thats ok
Pagan> I'm kinky
Pagan> so its a win win situation
Pagan> so how bout that anal?
Pagan> you still keen?
Tandy> You're a big mouth
Storm> then u will really have fuckall :P
Tandy> thats what you are
Pagan> I got duct tape
Pagan> I have to have duct tape
Pagan> or else neighbors complain
Havoc> duck tape?
Havoc> what duck?
Pagan> screaming upsets them
InnocentBob> You tape up the duck????
Pagan> no, its only hamsters you have to tape up
Pagan> so they dont explode
Storm> o.O
Pagan> they make good condoms though
Franky> rough zooloo
Storm> omg
Pagan> ears are like natural ticklers
InnocentBob> Oh ja cool
Storm> i dont even want to know how u know that
Pagan> experience
InnocentBob> Bwahahahaha
* Storm dies
Storm> thats sick
* Pagan takes advantage
Storm> sick fucks!
* Storm leaves
Franky> dont u mean sick fuck?
Storm> thanks :P
Tandy> Guys
Franky> or did he do it more than once?

Beetroots

Pagan > Does beetroot make cum red? I reckon it should
ToNiC > lol
Pagan > If you eat enough you pee red
Jellybean > lololol
Pagan > hmmmm
Bob1971 > Good question bud
* ~Jellybean shakes her head
Pagan > Thats tomorrows project then
Pagan > Along with, is semen flammable?
Jellybean > hahahah you obviously dont have much work to do pagan
Bob1971 > Ja Im gonna try it
Tan > lol
Pagan > No. I get bored
Jellybean > aaah ok
Bob1971 > Ill let you know how the experiment goes
Pagan > cool
Jellybean > lol
Jellybean > you two are nuts
Pagan > Haha. that should freak out mrs bob
Pagan > Esp up the nostril
Bob1971 > Ja hey hahaha
Jellybean > lolol
ToNiC > lol
Bob1971 > I see a plan here *eg*
Jellybean > oh dear
Pagan > Hehe. APRIL FOOL!
Pagan > booya
* ~Jellybean checks her calendar
Bob1971 > Ja lolol
Jellybean > hmm
Pagan > Haha. tell her you went to the doc. And its terminal unless you get a blow three times a day. At least
Pagan > Once its back to normal colour you'll live
Bob1971 > Hahaha ja now thats a plan
Jellybean > lol
Pagan > Hope u like beetroot
Bob1971 > Wonder if it will taste like beetroot,but Im going to have to pull the "Dont worry I wont cum in your mouth" lie
Jellybean > lol
Jellybean > damn im glad im not mrs bob hehe
Bob1971 > Jellybean hun Im innocent
Jellybean > lol riiiiiiiiight
Bob1971 > LOL
Pagan > Hehe
Jellybean > i know u better than that by now
Jellybean > and u pagan
Jellybean > you two are the chat clowns
Pagan > Nah. I'm naughty as hell
Bob1971 > Its Pagans fault
Jellybean > yeah that too
Jellybean > did he make u do it bob?
Jellybean > has pagan been a bad boy?
Pagan > Lol. Yip
Bob1971 > LOL
Jellybean > hmm
Jellybean > tonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jellybean > matrix time hun
* &ToNiC puts on the matrix outfit with face
Jellybean > hehe you go girl
&ToNiC > yes jelly you called
Jellybean > pagans been baaad
Bob1971 > Ooh Matrix outfit
Pagan > Very baaad
ToNiC > pagan
Pagan > ja?
Pagan > is it kinky?
*< &ToNiC whispers to pagan
Bob1971 > Kinky is always good
*ToNiC asks are you ready
Pagan > Ja
* ~Jellybean gets popcorn and bandages
* &Pagan gets sommer 3 hardons
* &ToNiC gets not responsible
Jellybean > lmao
* &ToNiC backs off
Pagan > Dont be scared

Harassing Perves

Freakish] hi
cybergirl] hi
Freakish] Are you touching yourself?
cybergirl] mmmmm do u want me too?
Freakish] oh yes
Freakish] But I can always come over and touch you myself
Freakish] I am well hung
* cybergirl runs her hands over her small breasts
Cybergirl] oooo really?
Cybergirl] how well?
Freakish] oooo I love small breasts
* cybergirl slides hand between thighs.....
Freakish] ooo yes baby
Freakish] Are you wet yet?
* cybergirl takes her hard cock in hand and strokes it while thinking of Freakish
** nick change » ( metatron )
metatron] tool :P

A few minutes later in the main channel........

Pagan> woohooo. I just finished downloading Harry Potter and the Ancient Secrets of Asian Sex
Freakish> Pagan, you inhto freaky stuff?
Pagan> ja, I'm freaky
Freakish> Wanna pvt Pagan? you a girl?
Pagan> I dont pvt
lean> yes pagan is a girl
* Jellybean pvts pagan over and over
Freakish> Why not Pagan? I am good
lean> and she is very sexy to
Pagan> you couldnt handle me
lean> Freakish u just keep on trying
Pagan> i only care about sex when I'm horny, when I'm not, I be like "omg eww liek no way"
Freakish> Pagan I can make you very horny
Pagan> hmmm
Pagan> might be an idea
Pagan> you have cam?
Freakish> No Pagan but a good imagination
Freakish> I can make you cum in seconds
Pagan> pity, if you had a cam I'd let you see my penis
Pagan> I mean tits
lean> lol at Pagan
Freakish> Pagan are you a girl or not, coz if you arent dont waste my time
Pagan> I could be, its irc

S.A. Porn

Pagan> you guys are lucky I cant be witty in afrikaans
Pagan> come to think of it though
DeadMan> hehehe
Pagan> just trying to speak it can be classified as funny
DarkElfie> lol
Bob1971> LOL
Pagan> its wierd though
Pagan> go to jhb and even the carguards are like "totsiens, geniet jou dag"
Pagan> and I'm like "wtf?"
DeadMan> u should listen 2 afrikaans heavy metal
DeadMan> ull piss urself
Bob1971> LOL
DeadMan> die taal is nou ma net nie daarvoor gemaak nie
Pagan> ever wonder why they dont make afrikaans porn?
Pagan> I do
DeadMan> ja,ja,ja,ja,ja
Pagan> with bad subtitles, or direct translations
Pagan> that would rock
Pagan> actually
Pagan> is it possible to have an orgasm while pissing yourself aughing?
Pagan> maybe I should find some midget porn to test the theory
Pagan> know who I wanna see in some good sa porn
Pagan> that riaan crywagen ou
Pagan> just to see if his hair messes up
DarkElfie> lol
cirus> sick that is sick
cirus> Rian Porn Damn
DeadMan> what about fiona from weakestlink
DeadMan> now she'll pull that nun shit on u
Pagan> oh hell no
Pagan> I would never ever knob fiona
Pagan> can you imagine you giving it your best go
DeadMan> me nether
Pagan> and she's busy harrassing your ass
Pagan> goddamn
cirus> Rian and Fiona ? God messed up Shit

Pirate Pagan

PiratePagan> *sigh
Storm> and now?
PiratePagan> is nudity too much to ask?
Storm> seems so
Storm> cos i havent recieved it yet
PiratePagan> awwwwww man
PiratePagan> :P
PiratePagan> one of these days u gonna kuk yourself
Storm> really?
PiratePagan> ja
Storm> is that a threat?
PiratePagan> cause I'll do it
PiratePagan> maybe
PiratePagan> is a huge tottie threatening to you?
Storm> lol @ maybe
PiratePagan> lol
Storm> Pagan im not scared
Storm> BRING IT!
PiratePagan> right
* Storm refreshes her inbox
Storm> i dont do limp either ;p
PiratePagan> lololol
PiratePagan> then u gotta go AAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Storm> now?
Storm> ok
Storm> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Storm> lol
* PiratePagan gets hard BOOOOOOOING!!!
PiratePagan> fuckit
Storm> pmsl
PiratePagan> you be the pirate
PiratePagan> I'll be the barmans daughter
Storm> WUSS
PiratePagan> lolol
PiratePagan> eish
PiratePagan> we have funny convo's in pvt
PiratePagan> you're wierd
Storm> lolol
Storm> is not
PiratePagan> its ok
PiratePagan> I find that sexy
Storm> lol

Irritating Nana

* nana-phone is now known as bananagirl
* Evilitynity is now known as HadphonesexwithNana
* HadphonesexwithNana lights a smoke
bananagirl> tsk!
bananagirl> stop that HadphonesexwithNana!
Misty23> rofl banangirl
jam> Rofl
bananagirl> i have some ambition you know!
bananagirl> ggrr
* HadphonesexwithNana is now known as WantcamsexwithNana
River> lmao
* WantcamsexwithNana is now known as Pagan
bananagirl> omf WantcamsexwithNana
bananagirl> im gonna bitch slap you so hard man
bananagirl> tsk
Pagan> ok
Pagan> I dont mind
Pagan> shit like that turns me on
bananagirl> it'll hurt
bananagirl> *hands on hops*
bananagirl> dont make me!
Pagan> the more the better
Pagan> *hardon

Aaaannnndddd........

bananagirl> jeez.. shopping was great ok
bananagirl> i bought loads of things
bananagirl> :)
Ally> just dont be like me and get a shoe fettish nana
bananagirl> haha Ally,.. more like tracksuits
bananagirl> eish i bough 7
bananagirl> ;/
Pagan> I'm addicted to internet shopping :/
Pagan> bought 5 internets the other day
bananagirl> yar
bananagirl> 7 tracksuits
Pagan> why nana?
Pagan> you gotta sew them into one big one?

Nepp's Adventure

lol, this is actually one of my all-time favourites, but a bit of background info is in order.
Saturday morning, 7am, hungover as hell. Now neppy is from zim, so we give him alot of grief about it, this particular morning, as he logged on, I cloned myself as Goat.


* Goat looks around
Nita> Hello goat
* n3ptun3z kicks Pagan dressed up in goat skin
Goat> BAAAAAAAAAA! (eeeeeeeeeeek!)
* Goat runs
n3ptun3z> lol
B> did u mention Goat n3ptun3z?
* Goat hides the anal lube
Nita> LOL! Lemme try *kicks Pagan*
n3ptun3z> yar **nods**
B> ))
* Goat puts on chastity belt and saddle
Nita> LOL!
Ishtar> lol Goat
* Goat takes viagra and speed
* Goat eyes n3ptun3z
Goat> heeeeeeeeeeeey baby
Goat> asl?
Nita> Um, is that a good thing?
Goat> not for neppy
Goat> *eyebrow waggle
Goat> ummm. I mean....baaaaaaaaaa!!
B> HAHAHAH
Ishtar> pmsl
Nita> Hmmmm, anyone for coffee?
* Nita hands around coffee
B> yes please Nita
Pagan> I'm on my 5th cuppacino already
Pagan> hangovers going away though
Nita> Luckily Goats don't drink coffee
B> well that is good Pagan
* Goat dry humps n3ptun3z leg.....sometimes you gotta show em whose boss
Goat> umpf
Goat> umpf
Goat> umpf
n3ptun3z> rofl
HotBot> lol
Nita> I've never even had a hangover
Nita> Hehe
* n3ptun3z smacks goat on nose
n3ptun3z> behave ur scrawny ass now
* Goat gets turned on
Nita> Whoohoo, getting interesting
* n3ptun3z pours pepper in goats nose
* Goat headbutts n3ptun3z unconsious
* Goat takes advantage
Nita> I can't watch
Goat> its not gonna be pretty
* n3ptun3z forces Nita's eyes open
Nita> LOL
* Goat applies lube to n3ptun3z
n3ptun3z> pay attention.. ur my witness!!
n3ptun3z> i are getting gang raped by 1 goat :/
n3ptun3z> dont ask how
* Goat sets up camcorder to record and upload onto zimgoatsex.com
n3ptun3z> just watch
Goat> its not rape
Nita> *ponders if humping neppy's leg wouldn't be such a bad idea after all
Goat> its suprise sex
* n3ptun3z pretends to be unconcious
* Goat tweaks his nipple
Goat> *tweak
* Nita pours ice water all over neppy
Nita> You conscious yet?
* Nita prepares to give neppy CPR
* Goat prepares to give neppy good hot anal lovin
* Nita gives neppy mouth to mouth
* Goat gives neppy to bum
* Nita slaps goat
Goat> wow. nita. double team. w00t
Goat> ^5

WWJD

* InnocentBob has joined #hottub
* AngelMouse trips InnocentBob on his way in
InnocentBob> O.o
* Pagan thinks WWJD and helps bob up
InnocentBob> LOL
InnocentBob> Bwahahaha
InnocentBob> pmsl
AngelMouse> Pagan, that is so funny
InnocentBob> Thanks bud
AngelMouse> ha ha bloody ha
Pagan> I thought so
InnocentBob> Good samamritan
Havoc> lol @ WWJD
AngelMouse> Pagan, are you making fun of me?
Pagan> no
Pagan> if I was trying to mock you I woulda said WTFWJD
Pagan> which i never
AngelMouse> coz, i will with immediate effect stop stalking you
InnocentBob> I did to,infact thats the hardest I have laughed for a while
Pagan> glad I could help

------------later-------------


dude> havoc r u gay
Havoc> not anymore dude
Havoc> i was once
Havoc> but then i thought
Havoc> WWJD
* Pagan is now known as WWJD
WWJD> hmmm
InnocentBob> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
* WWJD is now known as WTFWJD
Tandy> Guys
Tandy> Stop that
* WTFWJD glares at them
dude> wwjd thats not a nice nic
* WTFWJD points at himself
Tandy> Change your nicks please
* WTFWJD is now known as WWPD
WWPD> what would pagan do
WWPD> I know...
Havoc> lol
dude> dude im not a religious freak but thats just below the belt
WWPD> so?
InnocentBob> It is expected of people to respect others right to religious beliefs,is it fair then to expect people to respect the fact that I could care less for religion? Interesting thought
Havoc> yeah ^5 bob, works both ways
WWPD> god save us from religion :/
WWPD> I thought it was a valid point
WWPD> I approve
WWPD> carry on
Franky> bbl - i need to pray for u bob :-)
WWPD> me too frank
WWPD> and dont forget to pray for my lesbians
WWPD> I do
InnocentBob> LOL
WWPD> I sommer pray to all of them
WWPD> someone will eventually give me some lesbians
WWPD> this week its allah
WWPD> I'm not looking forward to being jewish though
WWPD> I hear circumcision is a bitch
WWPD> hope they give me a clipon foreskin for after that
InnocentBob> Bwahahaha
Tandy> Idiots
Ishtar> Retards

MORE whale semen

* Bob1971 looks at Pagan,what's that story with the Whale cum again?
Pagan> whale produces like 40 gallons of sperm a shot
Pagan> you know how much shampoo you can make on 40 gallons of whale sperm?
* Pagan ponders
Bob1971> LOL
Pagan> hmmm
Pagan> that would be a interesting job
Pagan> whale masturbation technician
* Pagan puts on hardhat and goggles
MoEy> imagine sallowing 40 gallons of sperm?
Pagan> or imagine a bukkake party
Pagan> gddaamn
Anni> lol
Pagan> be like BOOOOYA!!!!!!! *splat
* Dot falls over
Whale> lol
SuperNova> you know theres an industry of that stuff.. sperm trading and selling. lotsa stories of barrels of it being stolen
Bob1971> No man!!!NOOIT!!!
Pagan> hahaha
Pagan> you know how everyone loves seeing a celebrity slimed
Pagan> like the whole bucket-o-slime over their head thing
Pagan> I wanna see paris hilton + 40 gallons of whale sperm
Pagan> I'd PAY to see that shit
SuperNova> lol

Shampoo

bandit> did you know ........
Tan> lol
bandit> they say the best thing for a woman to use to wash her hair is semen .......... lotsa protein :)
Tan> eish I'd rather wash my hair with beer :P
Jellybean> lol same here tan
* PiratePagan starts producing semen for new range of shampoo
PiratePagan> Pagan on tap
PiratePagan> think it'll be popular?
PiratePagan> comes in two flavours
PiratePagan> regular and chunky
Jellybean> hahahahaha
Bob1971> I keel you

Whale Semen

Dot> well you asked the right guy, i'm a whale biologist
PiratePagan> whale?
PiratePagan> biologist?
PiratePagan> what a coincidence
PiratePagan> anyone wanna hear an amazing fact about whales?
Bob1971> Ag no dude
PiratePagan> ja man
Bob1971> Thats an old story
PiratePagan> ssssh
PiratePagan> be quiet
Bob1971> LOL
* PiratePagan sets mode :+whalesemen Bob1971
Bob1971> Hahahaha
Tan> lol
PiratePagan> so
PiratePagan> who wants to hear it?
Tan> i do
bandit> not me
PiratePagan> coooool
PiratePagan> DID U KNOW...
PiratePagan> *drumroll
PiratePagan> whales produce on average around 40 gallons of semen per ejaculation
PiratePagan> but only 10% reaches its mate
PiratePagan> which explains why the sea is so salty
Tan> good grief
Tan> lol
Tan> what happens to the other 90% semen?
Jellybean> lol
PiratePagan> into the sea
PiratePagan> duh
PiratePagan> =salty water
Tan> no man lol
Nickel> ok:(
PiratePagan> semen is salty you know
Nickel> ok:(
PiratePagan> no wait
PiratePagan> other way around
Tan> you've tasted semen ?
PiratePagan> its actually mainly glucose
PiratePagan> its just that it tastes salty cause your sweet taste buds are at the tip of your tongue
PiratePagan> and not the back of your throat
PiratePagan> according to bob anyway